The Arroyo

by Irene Fetherston

    The waitstaff at The Shirred Egg wore basic black, and the understated 1960’s vintage decor seemed to exhale the aroma of coffee. Tables and chairs were lightly worn Naugahyde, Formica and chrome, in faded red and white. Lily and Erin sat at a table near the window.

“Isn’t that always the way?” asked Erin. Lily was staring out into the street. Her wavy grey hair, shoulder length, draped itself onto a cerulean blue cotton top, and her amber-brown eyes didn’t seem to be taking in the view.

She finally responded, “What? Sorry. I was just thinking about something. A memory. From when I was a kid. I must have been in fifth grade.” Her cheeks reddened as her eyes lowered to the remaining crumbs on her plate.

Erin waited. Their short blue hair tickled the back of her deep olive brown nape, and they smoothed it with one hand. “Is it something you want to talk about? You know you can tell me anything. We’ve been through everything together. The pandemic. Transitioning. We even survived Mumble Rap. I’m here for you.”

Lily smiled, her eyes moving from her plate to the coffee cup, coming back to life.

“Well, it’s not that heavy. Definitely not as bad as Mumble Rap.” She looked up at Erin.

#

“Ok, so this is toward the end of fifth grade, and I’m one of the last kids out of the building after school this one day. The sun is still up but starting to edge toward evening, and I’m walking toward the gate across the deserted school playground, past the dirt baseball field, and there’s Denny, looking over at me, with his moppish light brown hair and hazel eyes. He already had noticeable shoulders even at age 12. I’d liked him for a year or two, in ways I didn’t understand. It was like, magnetic. I used to find myself looking at him, and have to look away when he looked back, and always wondered why I felt all fluttery in my stomach. On that day, he was looking at me curiously. It made my chest feel both lighter and heavier at the same time.

“I said, ‘Hi Denny!’ and he said something like, ‘Hey, Charlie. You going home?’

“I said, ‘I dunno,’ and then the words just sort of tumble out of my mouth: ‘Hey, you wanna fuck?’”

Erin’s eyes slammed shut, then opened wide. Lily said, “Yeah, I know, right? I was twelve!” She took a quick sip from her coffee cup.

“So then Denny pops out with a huge grin, and goes, ‘YEAH!’

“I said, ‘Let’s go to the tunnel!’

“There was this arroyo, a runoff ditch, that ran through the middle of the school playground, and one end of it flowed under the street through these two culverts. They were big enough for a grade school kid to go in, if they hunch over. So we run over to the tunnel, where we think we won’t be seen. It’s dark inside, and sandy and cool, but not damp, and there’s an old tire and some big rocks.

“So Denny says, ‘What do we do?’

“I said, ‘If you want, you can pretend I’m a girl. Pull your pants down. Underwear, too,’ I say. ‘Then put your thing in my butt’ – yeah, I called it his ‘thing’ – I said, ‘and then it can be your turn.’ I remember catching myself, immediately saying, ‘I mean, my turn.’”

Erin grinned wryly at this.

“Yeah! Then Denny says, ‘Ok!’ And then I’m getting ready to try things I’d only heard about. My Toughskin jeans and tighty whities were down past my knees.

“Of course, at this point in my life there’s no such thing as an erection. Never had one, didn’t know what it was, much less how important it normally would be for sex – at least for most males – so this encounter isn’t really destined to go far. But there was Denny, this boy I have a crush on but don’t know it, and I’m down with my belly over an old tire with my pants down. He was down on his knees, with his hands reaching toward my pale tuchus. I could feel my heart beating; my whole body was tingling!”

Lily paused here for effect, and looked Erin in the eye. “Then we heard a voice.

“‘Hey! Charlie and Denny are doing something dirty!’ this other kid was shouting from the other end of the arroyo. Denny and I are already pulling up our pants and scrambling hands and knees to the other end of the tunnel.

“‘Let’s go to my house!’ Denny stage-whispers, and we sprint the three blocks.

“Denny’s sister is there at the door, holding a tuna casserole or something. Is she looking at me suspiciously? Can she sense my excitement-slash-shame-slash-euphoria?

“I’m still breathing hard from running, and I barely knew who I was at that moment. My pants felt funny, with my underwear all twisted up from yanking up the pants.

“What did we just do? How am I supposed to feel? Was it dirty? There wasn’t any kissing. Does that mean it doesn’t count? Or make it worse?

“It was like a rippling, yellow and purple mist of confusion was enveloping me. Denny and I glance at each other furtively, and his sister invites us for an after-school snack, but I’m so flustered I can only say, ‘No, thanks, I’d better get home.’

“To get to my house I have to go past the tunnel. The playground is empty and the sun is almost at the horizon. I wasn’t really pretending he was a girl. I thought I was pretending to be a girl.

“But right now, at this stage of my life, I know it wasn’t a matter of pretending, exactly.”

#

Erin looked at Lily for a few seconds, then smiled broadly. “Lily, oh my god! How did you not know? But back then, we just didn’t have the language. And life would have been way too hard. Such a great story, though!” Erin lifted her coffee cup, pausing it on the way to her mouth. “Where is Denny, now?”

“I think he still lives in town. Wife and kids. Works in insurance or real estate or something. I actually looked him up online, although I have no interest in reminding him of our little encounter.”

Erin said, “I wish I’d known you back then. You’re a real trip now, but you must have been a wild experience as a kid.”

“I dunno. I think kids are good at accepting the world as it comes to them – everything is normal the way it is, within the framework given them by their parents, teachers, friends.”

“Yeah, maybe – but if you were my friend back then, my life might have been a lot more interesting!”